Wednesday, June 20, 2007
Waking The Boy
Although he gets a solid twelve hours a night (!), on some school mornings, TB really, really doesn't want to wake up. As the school year is winding to a close, it's getting worse.
We've had to resort to drastic measures.
Last week, when more traditional measures had failed, I resorted to the following, of which I am not proud:
“Get up or I'll start singing Anne Murray songs, and nobody wants that!”
(In my best Peter-Brady-voice-changing delivery) “SPREAD YOUR TINY WINGS AND FLY AWAY...”
(TB grunts, chuckles, and climbs out of bed.)
Adolescence is going to be sheer hell for the poor kid. I have a whole repertoire of cheesy MOR 70's hits memorized, due to some really unfortunate parental taste in music. Neil Diamond, Kenny Rogers, Rita Coolidge, Juice Newton; you know the type. I haven't yet resorted to “Angel of the Morning” or “Space Cowboy,” but I haven't ruled them out, either. I'm saving “Horse With No Name” and “Calling Occupants of Interplanetary Craft” for emergencies.
What's the most insidious way your parents woke you up?
That's right. I'll go for Don Johnson.
"HEARRRRRRRRRRRRRT-BEEEEEEEEEEAT...I'm looking for a HEARRRRRRRRRRRRRRT-BEEEEEEEEEEAT..."
(And of course, for those who have avoided this piece of mid-80's brilliance, I have to provide a YouTube link. Click it. You know you want to.)
"Its time to get up,
Its time to get up,
Its time to get up in the MORN-ING."
It was miserable to listen to. And no, he was not ex-military.
He also used to steal the covers off the bed. That stopped when I was 14 and started to sleep naked. (Partly because it was comfortable, and partly to keep him from stealing the covers.) The relentless singing continued.
Although I like the idea of you putting on your white sport coat and playing Don Johnson, the flashbacks to college created by Horse With No Name would do nothing for the TB. Why not sample the "Get Up" part of Day in the Life, or rock on with Back to the USSR? Or, for summer, go with Surfin Safari?
The rest of the words are:
"Oh, how he hates to get up in the MOR-ning,
Oh, how he hates to get out of BED."
Repeat ad nauseam.
Oh, and Lesboprof, my Dad sang the same &%$# song. We had an intercom system in the house, so he would sing it to *all* of us at the same time.
Of course, he'll need to go to sleep earlier. Which, as he still needs to do his homework, may mean missing out on evening activities. Or soccer practice. Or.....
The clock was about the size of a cigar box tipped on its side. The clock face was on the upper right. The rest of the clock was a plastic relief of Batman running towards the onlooker, with Robin driving the Batmobile in the background. (Batman's head and cape reached over the top of the clock; his cape "draped" over the top of the clock's body. To a young boy, this was unspeakably rad.)
Why was this The World's Most Annoying Alarm Clock? Because it talked. When it went off, you would hear:
Batmobile: Earsplitting SCREEECH!
Robin: Jumping Jehosephat Batman, we’re needed again!
Batman: That's right, Robin, we have to wake our friends!
Robin: Golly jeepers Batman, I’ll make the call!
Batman: Okay Robin, wake them all!
Robin: Time to get up and out of bed!
Batman: Good boy Robin, very well said!
Batmobile: Earsplitting SCREEECH!
The Batmobile screech is hard to explain to anyone who hasn't heard it. Suffice it to say that I never, ever want to hear that noise again.
DD, then as now, was a sound sleeper. The Batman-and-Robin alarm wasn't enough to get him up right away. So it would repeat. Again. And again. And again.
"Good boy Robin, very well said!"
My brother and I had that SAME Batman alarm clock! Of course, we never used it for actually waking up... we just thought it was a cool clock because it talked.
On another note, as the mother of two, a 3.5 year old and a 6 month old, I am heartened to think that someday I will have to WAKE UP my children. We are currently in advanced stages of sleep deprivation. Between the two of our kids, we are up usually 3-5 times per night. Thank you for this post which encourages me that this stage will not last forever.
Of course, I need to get tenure before this stage ends, so wish me luck.....
1- They would flick the lights on and off several times. How they thought that would WAKE a sleeping person who has EYES CLOSED is beyond me...
Usually the rapidly *click* of the switch startled me awake. And then they'd scold me for being crabby. I asked them repeatedly not to do it, but they didn't listen. A recurring theme in my household...
2- They'd call me and lie about what time it was. If I had to be up at 7, they'd tell me it was 7 when it was really 6:30. Alternatively, they'd say it was 7:30 when it was really 7, which usually resulted in me being stressed and anxious all day because I was startled awake.
You know, thinking back on this I now know why my childhood felt so schizophrenic!
Parents, don't do this to your children. Please! ;-)
See this site for audio:
And when I was an evil little sister (_now_ of course I am all sweetness and light) and my brother wouldn't get up, my parents would hand me his trumpet and shoo me into his room, where I'd get to jump on his bed and make horrible blatting trumpet sounds.
There was no staying in bed during that....
We seldonm got to #4. But I'll "pay it forward" to my two kids.